Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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