he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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