are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
