my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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