Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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