I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
