I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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