Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
