Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
