I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We are all done wearing pants today
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
