Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
