Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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