Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one two three fourrrrnication!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
