Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
