they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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