He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
