3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
