their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize