How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
