She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
