You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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