I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
how drunk are you?
Several
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
