I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
