im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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