you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
