If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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