u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
