guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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