at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
