I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
