I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
