is your mom at the bar?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
