Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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