she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
