Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He did a backflip because drugs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
