yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
