you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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