It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
