After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
