Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
