this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
barbara walters just said penis...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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