you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
