Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
