You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
