At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No subtext here. People are naked.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
