I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
