her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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