I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
