I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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