I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
