Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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