i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
smell my finger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
