Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
